Does that “contest,” or whatever it was, still exist where any ol’ person can s-e-x with James Deen but it has to be filmed?
I haven’t been writing about this idiot cop man because his incompetency knows no bounds and I literally would not be able to do him justice.
So we’ve been talking for about a month. Rox was dead set against me meeting him but I was bored and he seemed sort of charming when he wasn’t saying racist, sexist or just generally intolerant things.
I was in the town where he lives on Saturday and I just said fuck it and invited him out. We talked about where to meet and I was there way before him he said he would just be a minute. well I waited for OVER THIRTY MINUTES in a bar with NO CELLULAR SERVICE. and when I asked the bartender for the wifi password she was like “oh they dont tell us that.” BITCH you lie. I can see it in your lying face.
He gets there and IMMEDIATELY starts bitching about how he wants pizza and do we have to stay here and then asks for a menu and asks if they sell pizza. he was a toddler essentially.
Drink count at 4pm- 1
I gave in and we walked over to get pizza(next door). He ate his pizza with a knife and fork which is whatever if the pizza is too hot to touch but I didn’t gaf and I was just shoving that into my pizza-hole. He said “well I was trying to be a gentleman but I can see that’s not necessary.” then he decided we HAD to go to this tea shop in the same complex. Fine, whatever.
Drink Count 545- 3
Tea place was closed (said they closed at five but still had their light on a door unlocked) and we turned and left and I swear he stomped his foot, turned around and walked back into the place to be served. I was fairly embarrassed. The old lady owner walked him out and definitely locked the door right away. We went into a cigar bar instead. It was fairly chill but while we were sitting there he started looking through okc profiles. We got up to leave cause I jsut wanted to go into his apartment and watch the olympics and he didn’t want to go up there. So fine so we went into another bar.
Drink count 730-5
This is where shit got cray. He told me he wouldn’t have sex with me until I “committed” and that the next person he fucks he is, verbatim, “putting his baby inside.” I explained to him that while I would have sex with him there is no way on God’s green Earth that we would possibly date, or even suit each other a tiny bit. After a couple hours he said I was making a fool of myself and that I was too drunk and jsut straight left me at the bar.
Ok no p.
Drink count 11pm- 8
I made it back to my house and had a received a text from the divorcee about how he was getting off work at 11 and wanted to grab a drink. Naturally this sounds like a perfect idea. So I get my tush over to the bar he suggested. Called R while I was trying to park, which I do not remember.
Walked into the bar and the guy hadn’t arrived yet. Admittedly I was fairly lit. I sat down at teh bar, ordered a drink and turned to the two guys sitting next to me and said to one,
"you look like a guy I had sex with once."
he replied, “well you want to make it twice?”
I said, “here in the bathroom? let’s go for it.”
and we both got up and locked ourselves in the bathroom and just started making out. I told him I wouldn’t be having sex but the making out was enough.
I leave the bathroom and get back to my seat and the divorcee has arrived. I keep drinking like an asshole and we chit chat. He still looks like a baby and I have no interest in anything with him. So I keep making eyes at the other guy all night. Eventually I turned to the divorcee and said ” I’m going to go make out with that guy in the bathroom, is that alright with you?” He said yes, but obviously this was a TERRIBLY RUDE thing to do. No one ever do what I did please.
So we made out some more. I think at this point the bartenders had noticed and were making fun. Eventually I’m pretty sure I remember the divorcee saying something to the effect of “well I’m leaving and we’re never going to see each other again. It looks like you chose the right path for your life here.” more or less.
Then I asked the other guy if he wanted to go home with me. And we did.
I haven’t had a crazy ass night like that in a long time. We made plans to get thai food this week but whether or not that happens remains to be seen.